I have a question for you do you ever get stuck in all-or-nothing thinking? No…just me?
Seriously though, it's so easy to do. And it can be detrimental to our health goals, and any other goal for that matter. It seems that especially in January we get stuck here, either all-in or all-out. Believe me, I'm all for wanting to create a new goal or resolution, but studies have shown that most January "new year" resolutions fall by the wayside in the coming months for a multitude of reasons. I think a big part of it though is that once we aren't all-in (schedules get busy, it's harder to do then you thought, you just don't feel like it, etc...) then it seems easier to drop it completely. Suddenly instead of being all-in we are all-out. But, what if instead we looked for option C - somewhere in between?
Let me give you an example. A client I'm currently working with, we'll call her Ali, really wants to add movement into her regular routine. Ali is so ready to be all-in. She found the perfect online movement routine. We brainstormed different ways to fit it into her schedule. She had a specific cue picked out that would trigger her to go do her chosen movement each day. The next step - taking action. To start adding the movement that she so desperately wants to into her day.
And yet, when we met earlier this week and I asked Ali about how the movement plan was going she admited to me that nothing had changed. She hadn't started any of her great plans yet. Has this ever happened to you? I know I've been there. When we want to make change, it can be so hard to start. Add on our minds desire to make sure everything is perfect before starting (which is really the minds way of protecting us, of keeping us safe and doing the same thing because change is hard and can be scary).
What stopped Ali? A couple things put the breaks on her perfect plan. First, she talked to an old friend last week who told her about a new movement app that she had tried and really liked. Now, Ali wasn't sure which movement to choose. Second, she decided that her space wasn't set up exactly as needed, so she ordered some new equipment and was waiting for that to arrive.
Now, instead of jumping into her new year goals, Ali was stuck in all-or-nothing thinking. She was either all-in...with everything perfect. Or she was all-out...waiting for it to all be perfect.
But (for most of us) perfect doesn't really exist. Instead of waiting for perfect, let's look for option C - the messy middle. Finding the middle ground is where we will start to make change that supports our goals. And to do this we have to notice our tendency of all-or-nothing thinking and be brutally honest with ourselves.
There will always be new apps with new options, better equipment, more to-do items added to the calendar. Instead of waiting for perfection, what if we just started. What if we tried this new thing for just 5 minutes and let it be messy and imperfect.
Let me tell you a secret: the action is where the magic is.
We are all an experiment. Whether it is our food choices, our movement choices, our career choices, or...you fill in the blank. There is no one right way to do something. Honestly, what works for me probably won't work for you in the exact same way. We each have to find that solution that works best for us.
I know for me, sometimes it's easier to analyze something in my mind, let's be honest, to over analyze something in my mind, and get stuck there. However, I know that in order to grow and reach for my goals I must take action and experiment to see what works. For Ali, maybe the new app would be better than the movement options she had come up with, but she won't know until she tries.
This week, I challenge you to notice when you are falling into the trap of all or nothing thinking. Noticing is the first part, then look for the messy middle and take some small action. Action is always the next step.
Here are some examples:
Is it 5 minutes of movement vs. no movement?
Is it choosing a glass of water instead of turning to a soda, or wine on just one day this week?
Is it enjoying trying one new recipe this week vs. planing a new recipe for each night, getting overwhelmed, and calling for takeout all week?
Is it listening to your body on a busy day and resting for five minutes vs. feeling bad about not having the time for any rest?
It it enjoying one new food this week that you've been wanting to add vs. purchasing 5 and not knowing what to do with any of them?
I'm right there with you. Checking myself when the mind starts turning towards all-in or all-out, noticing when this happens and looking for the messy middle. Comment below and let me know what you notice, and what your messy middle looks like, I'd love to hear!
xo,
Alison
PS. If you're looking for more tips around all-or-nothing thinking I listened to a great podcast last week that I'll link to here. Check it out!